/This is Question 5 out of 5 in response to “Challenge of the week: 5 questions to ask yourself when your Ex wants to have a kid with you”/
Many times we make decisions without considering the impact it will have on the future, or more precisely – on our future self. That’s why we would like you to make this one last exercise before you decide what to do – it’s simple yet powerful and it may be a defining moment in your entire decision-making process
Imagine yourself in 5 years
When you imagine yourself in 5 years, Robert, what do you see? What is your dream life?
What do you strive for professionally? What is your career path? Do you have a passion you want to follow? Or a business you want to establish?
How about family? Are you married? Do you see more kids in that vision? And if yes, who is their mother?
Or maybe in your future life, you are living in a different country? Travelling? Exploring? Engaging in new experiences?
When you create that vision of yourself, the next step is to check, how having another child with your ex-partner right now fits into your dream life in 5 years.
It’s a good question for your ex-girlfriend as well: Does she see herself in five years as a single mom with two young kids? Or are her dreams and goals different?
What about your love life?
Another extremely important topic that you would both need to discuss is the rules regarding your love life. Let’s say you agree to her proposition and you are both in a process of making a baby (regardless if you go for “the natural way” or any another method); how would you handle a situation where one of you meets someone and falls in love?
Is it ok to enter a new relationship while you are expecting a baby? Are both of you ok with that or is there a potential for an emotional drama? How about the “third person”? Have you though how would you explain this entire set up to your new girlfriend and incorporate her into your family set up? One thing is to have a child with someone with whom you’ve split, another – to decide to do it again even if you are not together anymore.
If you decide to go for it and have another child, you would need to agree on every single aspect of your set up and take into consideration all these questions. Something like a “contract” or a deal would be necessary – otherwise, you may put yourself in a very messy situation, especially if your expectations are very different.