/This is an Option 4 from 5 in response to “Challenge of the Week: Is living a quiet family life possible for an adventurous mother who likes excitement?”/
Option 4: Finding balance: Get in sync with yourself and realise your true potential
You’ve come a long way to get here, but we promise: now you are ready to rock it!
If you have already gone through the “self forgiveness” and “self acceptance” processes, it’s time to incorporate your fantastic self into your role as a wife and a mother.
What does it mean to get “in sync” with yourself?
It simply means accepting and acknowledging who you really are and to start gradually fitting that “self” of yours into the social roles that you currently “play”.
So you are a dynamic, energetic and impulsive person? Take the very best out of those aspects of your personality and use them in your life as a mom and wife.
Yes, you’ve heard it right! USE THEM!
Stop “checking in” with others!
See, societies and cultures have a couple of different “definitions” of how a good mom should be and behave.
And we – most of the time – pretty much take them for granted and obey them, without even questioning then. We constantly “check in” with people around us (parents, family, partners, friends… even neighbours!), but also with totally abstract entities like “social norms”, “cultural values” or even television and the Internet – if we measure up to the image of a person we are supposed to be.
Have you ever wondered from where those “definitions” and “opinions” are coming from? Who has come up with them? Who sustains them?
And who the f*** is in charge of all this mess?
The answer is confusing yet real: Everyone and No one
We contribute to those stiff definitions by complying with them on a daily basis. Most of the time, we do it on autopilot – this is how we were programmed since early childhood. But then, we start to experience those “glitches” in the software, when we feel that “this is not who I am”. We want to live and act differently from what is “commonly accepted”.
What happens then?
We start to feel guilty for wanting something else. We get easily shamed by others by not measuring up to “the way we should act”. We allow ourselves to get cornered and psychologically forced to conform to social/cultural expectations.
Have you ever heard any of these statemnets?
“You are not supposed to act like this”
“This is not how I raised you”
“This is not how mother should behave”
“It’s time to grow up”
“You’re acting crazy”
If yes (and most certainly, we have), then you know that someone was trying to put you in a very tight box. We think it’s time to break it.
How to get in sync with yourself? Step by step
Remember that no matter what you do or decide in your life, someone will always judge you. Someone will always have an opinion. Someone will always criticise you.
You will never be able to please everyone, so how about just pleasing yourself?
1. Make your own definition of a wife and a mother
If you ignore all the voices coming from people around you, and forget about the “norms” and “definitions” of motherhood you were provided with, what kind of mom would you like to be?
What would be the best way to incorporate your fun and adventurous personality into your family life? In what situations could your impulsiveness bring joy and healthy excitement to your husband and kids?
Once you get clear in your head what kind of mom you would like to be… Just be!
Take your kids on a crazy adventure. Use your impulsiveness to surprise your husband with something special and sexy (We can bet he’ll love it). Do all the things that Julienne always wanted to do!
3. Stop Hiding!
It may not be easy at first but it will pay off big time in the future. Wear your own personal definition of a mother like a badge of honour and be proud of it!
At this point you may notice that your kids enjoy you more; that’s natural. Remember that Happy mom equals happy kids!
4. Surround yourself with people who accept you and embrace you
Not everyone will like “the new you”. Not everyone will feel comfortable with the way you are. What is more, you may experience some criticism and judgement.
But you know what? That’s alright. That’s, in fact, even better!
Try to detach yourself from the critics, naysayers and all the people who will try to force you to change. Surround yourself with those who accept you and embrace you. This is your “soul tribe”; “the close circle” that will love you and support you even (or rather especially!) when you don’t”play” or “pretend” to be someone you ar not. Keep them around!
5. Enjoy and spread the love!
You will notice that the more and more you get in sync with yourself, the more authentic and balanced you become. Enjoy it! And definitely check out Option 5 where we talk about sharing your passion with others!