/Following Challenge of the Week is a former “Active Challenge 16: How not to feel lonely during Christmas after my marriage ended?”/
Thank you for sharing your challenge with us; before we will help you to save your Christmas, let’s recall it first:
I got divorced a couple of months ago and even if it was tough at the beginning, now I am ok.
I and my ex-husband were not fighting or anything but after a couple of years, we realized we are more of roommates than a couple and decided to go our separate our ways.
Everything was fine until now. But now Christmas is coming… and we were always spending it together for the past couple of years. Now I am not sure what to do. I could go and visit my family but somehow I don’t feel like (trying to avoid post-divorce questions).
I started to feel lonely, looking at all the world preparing for Christmas and me not having anyone or anywhere to go (this is how I feel). Especially now, I kind of miss my ex-husband. Is this normal? I thought of calling him and asking to spend Christmas together but I am not sure if this is a good idea?
What would be your advice?
Christmas Loneliness is a pretty common challenge
It is still rather a taboo topic but many people feel lonely during Christmas – and not only those who are going through breakups/heartaches/post-divorce adjustments. Some are unable to join their families due to various – mainly geographical – circumstances. Others, feel like they are pressed to spend Christmas with people they don’t want to, and as a result, they experience “the lonely in the crowd” type of a feeling.
The tricky thing about Christmas is that although it can be truly wonderful, it makes us extra vulnerable as well. Due to a high level of expectations of “how truly magical Christmas should feel and look like”, we tend to get more anxious and stressed but also sensitive and sad.
This week’s challenge has a specific angle: Lisa feels lonely because she is about to spend her very first Christmas alone after the recent divorce. However, we truly believe that most of the options we have prepared today will be useful and inspirational for anyone who struggles with loneliness during Christmas.
Is it normal to miss your Ex during Christmas?
In your challenge description, you have raised a really interesting question: Is it normal that you miss your ex-husband during Christmas?
Not only it is normal, Lisa, it is given. You’ve been together for a couple of years and especially now when the entire world is preparing to celebrate “the most wonderful time of the year” you may feel odd and out of place. You are still used to his presence in your life and each time you will go through something for the very first time without him – be it Christmas, Easter or any other event/ occasion – you will most probably feel weird, lonely or even scared.
What does it mean?
In the most simple terms, it means that you are not fully adjusted to the new reality yet. Although you’ve mentioned that you were feeling “ok” so far, periods of loneliness and doubts may still come from time to time. And that is perfectly normal!
Ending a marriage or a long-term relationship is not something we can get over within just a couple of weeks. It requires time, patience and also a new mindset where you are fully open to new experiences and to building new routines that will overwrite your old habits. Every major change in our lives is scary and human brain’s normal reaction is to hold on to the familiar (our survivor’s instinct kicking in). Yet there are ways to train the mind to let go of the past and move on; one of them is to create a very new Christmas traditions.
In your specific case Lisa, we have prepared several different solutions that will help you with restoring wonderful Christmas and turn it into something truly magical. Hopefully, after reading your 5 options and listening to our podcast, you will feel inspired to turn your Christmas loneliness into the most wonderful time of the year!
Read your 5 Options and listen to the podcast below:
Option 1: “Driving Home for Christmas” – Visit your family
Option 2: “Please come home for Christmas” or “Last Christmas I gave you my heart”? – Spend Christmas with your ex-husband
Option 3: “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” – Do what you always wanted to do!
Option 4: “Santa Claus is coming’ to town” – BE THE Christmas Miracle
Option 5: “Rockin’ around the Christmas Tree” – Invite your friends to dinner/party
Merry Christmas Lisa!
First post-divorce Christmas can be tough, but you will get through it (we all do, dear). It’s all about changing your mindset a little and being open to new experiences. We hope that while reading our options, you’ve found an inspiration to turn your loneliness into an awesome Christmas miracle.
Merry Christmas Lisa and hope to hear what you’ve chosen!