Challenge of the Week: 5 questions to ask yourself when your Ex wants to have a kid with you

having another baby

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/Following Challenge of the Week is a former “Challenge 12: Is it a good idea having another child with my ex, even if we are not together?”/

 

Dear Robert,

We have to admit, this is the most unusual challenge we have received so far. The good news is – we like challenges as well and solving it, was not only a pleasure but also a journey.

The “perfect” Family set-up

Before we started brainstorming regarding your five options, we have also discussed how important it is to raise a child in “a full, traditional family”. There is this common perception that the optimal model for having a baby is a couple (in some cultures – married couple) and it seems that many of us still hold this conviction.

However, once we started to dig deeper, we’ve come to a quite surprising conclusion that it may not be as crucial as we initially thought. In the end of the day, it doesn’t seem to matter much if you were raised by a couple, co-parents or a single parent – you can become a happy, fulfilled and successful adult, regardless of the type of family you came from. In other words, you can be totally happy and emotionally balanced even if you were raised in rather unusual conditions, and you can have a lot of issues and problems though you were raised by a married couple.

So instead of focusing on how the family set up should look like “on a paper”, we would like to recommend you Robert (and anyone who’s considering becoming a parent in a future) to shift an attention from the family model itself to one very important question:

 

Do I truly want to become a parent and do I have the love to share?

 

If we were to give you “just” some options it would come down to a simple “yes, do it” or “no, don’t do it” (with some slight alterations) but we’ve decided this week to do it differently and to ask you 5 important questions instead.

 

You can read them below and you can also listen to our podcast where we discuss each question in detail

 

Ep10 Five questions to ask yourself when your Ex wants to have a kid with you

But let’s recall your Challenge first:

My relationship with my ex-girlfriend did not end that well but we have a little son together.Although it was a heavy unroll, she accepted we were not going to be together.

But now she wants to have another child with me as dad, as she thinks our son deserves a little brother or a sister.

I could see her point –  children would have only 1 father and it is easier to share the kids as we now are ok.

But I really don’t know if it is a good idea, you know. There are so many issues to it…

Could you advice something?

 

Ready for Your 5 Questions?

 

We would recommend you to find a bit of a time where you can be only with yourself, prepare a notebook or a piece of paper and answer the following 5 questions. If you could convince your ex-partner to do the same, the exercise would be even more powerful, as she may come to some new conclusions as well.

 

Question 1: Do I want to become a parent again and am I ready for it?
Question 2: What are my reasons to become a parent?
Question 3: What are the advantages of having a second child with my ex?
Question 4: What are the disadvantages of having a second child with my ex?
Question 5: What about your future and love lives?

 

To read more about each Question, please click on the icons below

 

Option 1 from 5 options     Option 2 from 5 Options     Option 3 from 5 options     Option 4 from 5 Options     Option 5 from 5 Options

 

Much Love,

Anna & Marta